You Might Be From Chicago if:
You know where Aladdin's Castle was
1. The "living room" is called the "front room."
2. You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. You
become irate at people who do.
3. You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city").
And you swear everything is pretty much 1/2 hour away.
4. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines."
5. You go to visit friends or family down south and laugh when
they complain about the traffic.
You know this was not the
Greyhound bus station
6. You understand that no person from Chicago can be a Cub fan AND a White Sox fan.
7. It's "Kitty corner" not "Katty corner."
8. You know the difference between The Loop and
Downtown
9. You eat your pizza in squares, not triangles, and you never refer to it as "pie"
10. You own celery salt
11. You understand that the primary is the official local election.
12. You
have drunk green beer on St. Paddy's Day
13. Stores don't have sacks, they have bags.
Example: "Where's my coat at ?"
or "Can I go with ?"
15. Your idea of a great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as
big as the bun,
"everything" is on it
and a slice of dill pickle is on the side.
16. You carry jumper cables in your car.
17. You drink "pop."
18. You understand that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.
19. You know the names of the interstates:
Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower,Dan Ryan, and the Edens
20. But you call the interstates "expressways."
21. You refer to anything south of I-80 as "Southern or Central Illinois."
22. You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."
23. You refer to Chicago as "The City"
24. "The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in January 1986.
25. You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers.
26. You buy "The Trib" and not the Tribune.
27. You know that despite being on the lake, there is no such place as the Waterfront.
28. You think 45 degrees is great weather to wash your car.
29. You picnic or ride your bike in the "forest preserve"
30. You cried when Bozo was canceled on WGN.
You know this was "The Silver Flash", not the "EL"
32. You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.
(everywhere I go outside the Chicago area and eat pizza, it's just NOT real Pizza!)
33.
You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City."
34. You understand what "lake-effect" means
35. You know the difference between Amtrak and
Metra, and know which station they end up at.
37. You have ridden the "L."
38. You
think your next-door neighbor is a cousin to Tony Soprano.
39. You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,630,773,708, 312, & 815.
40. You have at some time in your life, used your furniture or a friend's body to guard your parking spot in winter
41. You respond to the question "Where are you from"
with a "side." Example: "West Side," "South Side" or "North Side."
42. You know the phone number to Empire Carpet! (588-2300 Empire!)
43. You know what a garache-key is!
Chicagoans
CHICAGO --UGH!!!!!!!!!!
Seasonal Differences in the regions of the
USA:
60 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and woolly hats. Chicago people
sunbathe.
50 degrees - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Chicago people plant
gardens.
40 degrees - Italian cars won't start. Chicago people drive with the windows
down.
32 degrees - CHICAGO--NO PLACE LIKE IT! Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets
thicker.
20 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Chicago people have the last
cookout before it gets cold.
15 degrees - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago people throw on a
sweatshirt.
0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico. Chicago people lick the flagpole
and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.
20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago people get out their
winter coats.
40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.
Chicago's Girl Scouts begin
selling cookies door to door.
50 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicago people get frustrated
when they can't thaw the keg.
60 below -- Microbial life survives on dairy products. Illinois cows complain
of farmers with cold hands.
460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff
for ya??"
500 below - Hell freezes over. The Chicago Cubs win the World Series
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-ca-go, or Cha-ca-ga
depending on if you live North or South of Roosevelt Rd.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy new
one. If in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
Chicago has its own version of
traffic rules... "Hold on and pray! ."
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all
drive like that.
All directions start with, "I-94" which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 5AM to noon. The evening rush hour is from 3PM
to 10PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and
possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light
turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the
red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on the Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We
had so much fun with that we have added the Elgin O'Hare Expressway (which
oddly enough doesn't go to Elgin OR O'Hare) and I-355 to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in
Cicero!
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period.
First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names
as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).
If asking directions in
Cicero
you must have knowledge of Spanish.
If in Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask
directions on the West or South side you'd better be armed.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although
many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85. Anything less is
considered downright sissy.
The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is not ornamental.
The Congress Expressway, commonly referred to as the Eisenhower Expressway is
our daily version of NASCAR (though often at speeds that don't exceed 5 mph).
The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago. If it's 10 degrees and
sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at
Sox Park.
If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open Golf Classic is in
the second round.
If you go to Wrigley Field pay the $25.00 to park in the "Cubs Lot."
Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking
tickets, etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard,
run over him.
Chicago, there's no place like it!